Healing from Attachment Trauma in Virginia Beach, VA
Does the nurturing we receive in early childhood affect our overall physical and mental health throughout the life span? Attachment theory has a lot to say on the subject. This theory suggests that positive and negative attachment experiences have an effect on one’s development, self-esteem, and resilience.
The folks I support often don’t feel safe with other people, and they are also hungry for authentic connection. It makes emotional regulation and decisions from the adult self very difficult. If you haven’t had a consistent safe person in your life, it can be difficult to imagine. But we crave true connection nonetheless.
You might be interested in seeing a therapist trained from an attachment lens, but what exactly does it entail? The following are problems that could be identified by an attachment therapist. Meg is our case example.
Case Example: Meg
(This is a hypothetical case example developed for educational purposes. It is not based on a real person or situation, and any likeness is unintended.)
Meg has a very rich inner world to protect against abandonment and separation, but it also keeps her veiled in illusions and living an obscured reality. She feels desperate to form a fantasy bond that does not risk her own vulnerability, and she ends up neglecting herself. Instead of feeling real love or trust toward her partner, Meg often feels emotionally hungry in a push-pull dynamic. She is frequently looking to her partner to rescue or complete her, but problems erupt when her partner needs space. Although Meg is seeking a sense of safety and security by clinging to her partner, her actions unfortunately result in pushing her partner away. When she feels unsure of her partner’s feelings and unsafe in the relationship, she often becomes clingy, demanding or possessive of her partner. More often than not, her behavior exacerbates her own fears. Meg may also misinterpret independent actions by her partner as affirmation of her fears, a sort of self-fulfilling prophecy. There is a real threat of losing her partner if something doesn’t change soon, and it’s hard for Meg to feel confident in her ability to recover. She has felt this anxiety in her relationships all her life, and would like help to stop this destructive cycle.
How does a therapist help with attachment trauma?
There are strengths of attachment theory specific to addressing Meg’s problems in her relationship. One strength is attachment theory is it is best applied to people of all ages who have endured maltreatment and trauma. Attachment theory allows Meg to make a connection between early experiences and her present mental health. Attachment theory is evidence based.
Here are the 4 traditional stages of therapy when working to heal attachment trauma.
Engagement - When Meg and her attachment therapist first meet, this is a process of engagement. During the engagement phase the therapist shapes herself as a secure relationship for Meg. The therapist empathizes with Meg to help her feel secure in the helping relationship and allow her to believe that secure attachment is possible in the future.
Assessment - The therapist interviews and learns of Meg’s experiences in depth which in turn shapes the interventions used.
Intervention - Keeping Meg’s anxious-preoccupied attachment style in mind, the therapist will focus on bringing Meg’s suppressed emotions into consciousness and experience the emotions with her. Meg receives a predictable set of attachment strategies from her therapist in response to distress. This strengthened support will build Meg’s esteem and confidence in building secure attachments in her relationships.
Termination - After the problems are addressed the helping relationship needs to be terminated. Keeping Meg’s attachment style in mind, it is important to address possible distress related with the relationship ending. The therapist should expect the relationship to end on a positive note as Meg will apply what she has learned to her new and future relationships.
Are the effects of attachment trauma permanent?
No, and here are a few reasons why.
Affectionate ties to fathers or other family members can compensate for insecure mother-infant relationships.
Attachment quality can change over time. For example, stressful life events such as divorce or illness can turn secure attachments into insecure ones, or positive life changes can make insecure attachments more secure.
Early attachment may have no long-term consequences if they change later on.
You deserve to heal from past relational trauma and have healthy, authentic, and loving relationships.
I can help you find lasting relief using Accelerated Resolution Therapy and Trauma Model Therapy techniques in Virginia Beach, VA. Both therapies are focused on healing attachment trauma and adverse childhood experiences (ACEs).